Confession

"This has been very hard for me, but I have been keeping this secret for some time now..."

Confession

You have not heard from me for a long time, and I am going to now share why I have not posted for a while. I feel like somehow it has been like reading a very long and amazing book, one that has you so excited to pick it up that you become engrained in the storyline and invested in the characters. Somehow you see yourself coming to the end of the book soon, and, although you want to know how story turns out, you truly and secretly don’t want to finish it because then you have to walk away from it. This is very much like me not posting for a while, it is because I do not want my amazing lake story to end.

This has been very hard for me, but I have been keeping this secret for some time now. Okay, I will just rip the bandaid off here and say it, my beautiful lake property has been sold, and truly, it was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

It was a heart-wrenching decision, as I have always believed that “I am not the one who knows the lake, but it is the lake now who knows me”, in essence, this property has been so much a part of my life, that I felt I was truly part of the land, the forest, the trees, every rock and bush, and part of the fresh, beautiful lake waters that I swam in for all those years. It was an excruciating decision, (though it probably should have been made some years prior with my personal physical and financial situation changes), but I just kept holding on to my land for dear life as long as I could. However, it was finally time to let it go and I have been so rattled by it that I could not make the posts here that I knew would one day have to come.

This website and blog has been instrumental in helping me make that final decision, and get through the grief-like process of selling my beautiful lake cabin after 57 years of wonderful memories and times, that I was blessed to enjoy for three generations.

My site here has now become like an autobiographical accounting of all the years spent and all the wonderful memories I made there.

I am finally going to post a few blogs and poems that explained those last visits, with all the anguish I felt, knowing I was to drive away from my cabin and land in my boat forever. I would still like to post further memories from time to time to time, even a few that are a bit mysterious or rumoured. Why not? Life is full of ups and downs, the good and the not so good, and understood and, sometimes, the mysterious. Why not still write about many different things, even the silly, the rumoured, the mysterious, or the one or two, tragic ones. I hope all of you, dear readers, will stick around for more stories on this site.

At least, I felt truly blessed and relieved that the most wonderful people came into my life to buy my property. It became perfectly apparent after they wrote me the most wonderful email letters asking me to buy my lake land, sharing information about themselves, that explained how they would be perfect to have it. I knew in my heart that these were the kind souls who deserved to own my beautiful lake. I had prayed for kind people to come forward, people who would respect and care for the land, land that was almost untouched, as my family had kept it pretty much the same with its one-room cabin and no power, no shower, no generator, a place kept so simple without all the noise and updates similar to the modern cabins and places that were popping up everywhere on the lake. Many of my neighbours new and many generational had updated and improved over the years, but we had kept ours very much the same, (although there certainly were upgrades I desperately wished for over the years, but they did not come to pass, often not by my choice.)

I am perfectly aware that the new owners have upgraded and redone many things, which I would expect them to do. I have no problem with that, (not that it is up to me to agree or disagree to whatever they do one way or another). I just know that these lovely people are there now, even as you read this most likely, on this fine sunny day. I have heard through the lake-grapevine that they have made changes and are thoroughly enjoying the property. Bravo!

As I am ‘longer in the tooth’, having an off-grid cabin became quite a physical feat when it came to packing everything to and from the lake, in and out of the car, in and out of the speedboat, blah, blah, blah. And so, it was time for me to sell. In my mind it was the right thing to do, but my heart still breaks when I experience a sunny morning, and hear a crow (something that was frequent and familiar in the early mornings on the lake). My heart also tugs when I pass by another lake, and long to return to mine…

That last trip down the lake, after meeting the new owners and realtor at my cabin to ‘show them the ropes’, was certainly surreal. The haze from some far-off burning forest fires added a spooky visual to the whole strange experience, and as I left my cabin that day for the last time and travelled down the lake in the realtor’s boat, letting my new owners use my boat, the orange ball of a sun trying to peep out through the orangey-grey haze was very surreal. That whole last visit felt like an out-of-body-experience.

Next on the horizon then was adjusting to my life back home. I prayed now that a new (everyday) home (I had to move looming back in the city due to an upcoming area redevelopment) would lead me to a new and peaceful place, one with a spectacular view. Obviously, it was going to be very different from the lake, but something that would speak to me like the view the lake had given me. My prayers were somewhat answered, and I am very grateful. Although there is no water view and lapping waves, I have wonderful mountain views; although there is no lush forest trees, I certainly have beautiful orchards trees next door; I have no fragrant, lush, forest scents, but do have more desert-like dryer air with scents from the farms and growing fruits. I feel truly blessed, even though deep down, I somehow know I have truly and physically lost my lake. What I have not lost is my multitudes of beautiful memories over all the years spend there, and this blog, which is now more of a beautiful autobiographical accounting, I am very grateful for, because I do read my own posts and look at my pictures quite often with a warm, heartfelt smiles.

I will put more posts up, for sure, and I really hope you still, my dear readers, will stop by, but there will be no new memories made as Lady Of The Lake BC, as I am no longer able to be in residence there. However, in my mind, I am still proud to have been a Lady of the Lake for so many years, and I do go back to my lake and land quite often in my mind and heart, and that is truly a magical thing…

Always and with love…Lady of the Lake BC